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[05/23/07] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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when you're strange |
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Me and Dylan broke up, I beat him up infront of all our friends at some show,
I'm on a random binging warpath now, I'm fucking so bewildered as what I'm going to do next, what's going to happen.
It honestly feels like such a relief to have it end though, because only I had unconditional love for him, he was just with me because he didn't want to put the effort of ending it in.
I'm never stressed anymore, it's kinda nice.
I just let things roll off my back because I'm independant now.
Dylan is mad rebounding with that girl he cheated on me with, they're living together, or so I'm told, but I could care less. I'm not interested in anyone that full of shit, so full of themselves that they even believe the constant lies pouring out of their mouth.
well, i really need to get off meth, I'm going to look for a house with matt,
we stayed at the fairmont last night, it was dope.
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[05/12/07] |
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music |
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talk show host, radiohead |
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FUCK I'm fucked. I try and do one thing right, try and get off speed, and then while I'm doing that I lose my house, find out my boyfriends pretty much cheating on me....etc.etc.
I'm staying with my mom and her business partner, and they're crazy.
they drink and smoke weed every night till 3 or 4, it's impossible to be healthy around them. I haven't started looking for a new house yet, i fucking need to. I'm trying to get over dylan...i am so resentful towards him because of what he's done to me and yet i still feel like i love him. i have horrible anger issues now, i have to stop myself from bottling that bitch dylan was making out with at the bar while i sat at home crying and talking with my mom...this is all too much to handle. relapsed 3 times in the past 2 weeks, so much to do, and it doesn't feel like anything actually matters anymore.
so i've just been ruckusing.
( Read more... )
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[04/16/07] |
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music |
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buy you a drank |
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It's settled, I'm going to my Dad's up by the Queen Charlotte's for 3 weeks.
It's a small town of 90 people, and there's no drugs there, so I'm optimistic that this will be for the better, even though I don't want to leave Dylan.
I haven't done it for a week and a half...yay!!!!
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[04/10/07] |
m throwin up and pullin hair in the bathroom stall of the crystal cave
she crack she cracked
i told her im getting sick from the vinyl cuts and the melted blondes
she crack she cracked
i was looking for something
some kinda chemical fumble
said dont touch it leave it alone now
gonna fuck it up, just like yr mother
i was looking for something
a super lousy magician
i was staring at the smoke
diamond girl take of yr raincoat
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| Help |
[04/10/07] |
I'm stuck in this tug of war between substance and living a healthy life
my body is doomed if i keep doing it, my body is doomed if i stop
the agitated twitching uncomfortable withdrawal is almost as bad as
the feeling of complete destruction that my brain has to take everytime i do it
sometimes while i'm on the bus i suddenly realize i have been sitting there for half an hour and not a simple thought has gone through my brain. not a single memory has been relived.
that scares me so much that i am trying, trying TRYING so hard to quit. i need help. i neeed change. i neeeeeeeeed support or something...I Can't even think of what i need!!! fuck
iam so stupid now
i'm done for
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[03/05/07] |
Why should I fight for my spot beside my supposed true love when he's giving himself away freely anyways.
there's no point.
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| I am so lost. |
[02/28/07] |
Your charm has such an advantage over me that I always forgive you. Not because I have forgotten all the hurtful things, but because I always want to believe you care about us and that you're a good person. Show me I'm right, please.
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| You could be from Venus |
[02/28/07] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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hole, doll parts |
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i wish everything hadn't changed for the worst, i wish we hadn't grown apart
i wish your desires hadn't changed, i wish devotion was still apparent.
i wish the lies hadn't been said, i wish it was just you and me versus all else,
instead of me being the only one you don't confide in.
i wish i was all you wanted, i wish i wasn't always in the dark, i wish i knew who you are now, remember when we said we'd never grow apart, well i'm not the one and only and no amount of bullshitting is going to fix this or make it drag on any longer.
it crashed and burned and has been smouldering for so long now.
just because you lie about all the things that tear us apart doesn't mean that
they're not tearing us apart all the while. just because you pretend that things
haven't changed doesn't mean you're still the same person you were.
i think you know what you want, and it's not what we both want
it has nothing to do with the relationship we built, so putting me through this.
i know who you are, i know everything. i'm not stupid, it's not like you can fool me.
i want nothing to do with this kind of intimacy, it has lost it's emotion, and you don't
even try and pretend that it's the only intimacy you want to experience so why.
why am i put through all this, just so you can have some selfish enjoyment.
it's not like your words are more important than your actions, and i know you're not
feeling what i'm feeling. sugarcoating and pretending to be innocent is so far from believable now. save atleast some of your credibility and just be honest.
if you weren't worried about the pain it would cause me when you were choosing to do everything, you shouldn't be worried about hurting me when it comes time to tell the truth.
if you really wanted this relationship this much you wouldn't have wanted any of the things you want now anyways. save some of my respect for you and be straight-up.
PCE,
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[02/03/07] |
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So my apartment with Dylan is frustrating
I hate drinking. I'm so fed up with my life, god sakes.
I go to clubs alot again. I listen to 'Nothing in this world" alot.
I LOVE tanning again. somebody save me from vancouver.
me and chayse before he moved to calgary. MISS YOU
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[11/28/06] |
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It's really snowing alot here, kinda intense
Below zero, Me and Dylan's house is going well.
We got a kitten named Pistachio, and we got a wild mouse but it's loose in our house now...
Pretty sure that's better than it being wild outside in this weather though.
We're both going to work at Wendy's on Cambie and Broadway, and I hope to get into make-up school soon. I'm going back into Distance Ed next week, YAY computer.
I'm a real fucking homebody now, I just stay in and clean and make food for dylan and me.
My cat is so fucking cute...damn.
I'm not having people over anymore, because my favorite eyeshadow went missing...fucking assholes
other than that everything's cool
Tomas comes over and plays video games...
And tis the season to be jolly, all that stuff.
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[11/18/06] |
WAHWAHWAH YOU BROKE YOUR METHPIPE AS A STATEMENT
but you have another one at home so it that was kind of pointless
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[11/05/06] |
fuck i'm crazy
i just want a best friend who i can hang out with constantly
somebody accepting
who the fuck is actually accepting and loyal though?
hahahaha
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[10/28/06] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
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music |
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EISLEY!!!!!!!!! |
] |
i've grown up really crazy...
i miss livejournal.
i'm at a halloween party where i dressed up as a gold digger but it kindof backfired because i only knew one person there and the rest turned out to be game nerds in video game charactor costumes. it looked okay too but not next to naruto ninjas and yuna from final fantasy 10.
so i look like a complete idiot.
whatever.
alexis, babe. cameo, life support.
having brown hair lasted like half a month.
it's too plain, so natural.
dyed it black, left some blonde in the back, put two thin red streaks next to the blonde.
way better.
guaranteed in like 2 months i'll want blonde again, it's the best color.
moving downtown near city hall, gonna start tanning again and maybe even school!!
i dunno, tired of wasting away...
FUCK golly sandra is a good song.
my dad got alcohol poisoning??
i dunno.
drugs fucking suck after a while, but drinking is DISGUSTING...
i couldn't even drink like, 5 percent coolers tonight with feeling sick.
SO MUCH LOVE!!
hope to get a computer when i move, and then i can become a regular on here again and actually read and stuff.
till then, LOVELOVELOVELOVE.........
P.S.
stupid underage kissed dylan in july bitch:
(this place is so lovely,
it kindof makes me very happy)
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[10/13/06] |
I miss livejournal like crazy...
it's actually like fucking therapy.
Anyhow, not much too say, not having the internet sucks, time goes by so fast, wasn't it August like yesterday??
Speaking of which, I love Dylan, these pictures kinda capture that...
Uhm, I got tired of bleaching my roots and changed my hair, but I'm gonna bleach it blonde again soon once I get a job. Or just tone it 'till it's like different shades of silver.
BITCHES HAH! Love..........
P.S.
( Read more... )
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[09/08/06] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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SHE'S A MANEATER |
] |
Once I looked as I desired to. Now I am just blank and imperfect.
Once I had an endless supply of money which I bought the substances and shampoos and underarm deoderants with.
I also had all the tanning I wanted.
WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?
I have not written down my thoughts in so long that I am just confused.
I have a drug and alcohol counsellor now, her name's Anna and she's nice, but she has crackpot ideas of what I should do. I have a cell phone now(778 386 5971), but the only person I've kept in contact with in the past while is Dylan(boyfriend,9monthsnow).
I have minor psychosis issues and I drink diet coke with lime.
DYLANDYLANDYLAN MISSYOUMISSYOUMISSYOU
he works long days but looks really hot
so that's okay. he'slike babescore now
too bad no other guys do that i know HAHAHA
hopefully he knows that now too so he won't belittle his babeness with letting little goth tramps try and impress him and fail. SORRY DID I SAY THAT????
>> (damn shorty lookin righteous in a tight dress i think i might just
hit er with a little biggie one on one
how to tote guns and have fun with jamaican rum)
oh yeah the popo took away my ID and
took away my pipe
SLAP A HO!:((((((
miss having friends
hang out with me again.
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[08/01/06] |
I'm basically living at Melody's now
And stuff
My mom's shit, but my sisters are really nice
Dylan is trying to peg the fact that everyone wants us to go to rehab on me
Talk about sticking together, that's really cool. They aren't fucking stupid Dylan,
they're observant and when you're in the bathroom mirror picking at your face for hours
and say that you can't go to a staff meeting and sleep for a day and a half
it's not like they don't know.
But of course it's all my fault
because I didn't lie and make myself look like an idiot
Cool.
Next time something like this comes up I'll just blame it all on you and see how you like it,
asshole.
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[07/30/06] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
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music |
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she can read, interpol |
] |
i am a very fortunate person
people are so nice and generous to me,
i'm honestly in shock and i don't know how to thank anybody
that's ever been even courteous to me.
i'm a bad person with bad habits,
kindness is a privelege i am amazed i still receive.
dylan and tomas are downstairs
i am here
i hope they're not being sketchy sneaky.
wtf
i like the truth???
plus
tanning is gone
and my roots are bad
should i just dye my hair a different color??
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[07/23/06] |
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music |
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cassie_ me&you |
] |
life is cool
content with my speed intake
have tanning.
i'm less introverted
i need to bleach my hair.
i'm getting cheek piercings soon, hopefully.
megan, the girl dylan cheated on me with,
is pleasant. but is telling everyone we're best friends, apparently.
i don't understand.
T.I. is the best thing i've ever heard FO SHO
I miss this.
I can't believe this was so long ago.
In may? It's almost august now...
and I miss cameo. Tristan's here. We're better now.
I want! actual close friends though. nobody is trustworthy anymore....
On that note, I've made friends with the shadow people! I watched a Benny and Joon with one of them the other night...:3 DOPE!
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[07/12/06] |
You keep coming to me.
I can feel your dynamite.
The Way you Move
Get in The Groove
You're driving me crazy*
crazy for you
Step in time
You move your feet*
Its time for us to boom boom
you can come get close to me
and feel the burning fire
Feel the time pick up the beat*
its time for us to boom boom
Care to see this funk in me
And feel my Strong Desire
Boom Boom Boom
Lets go back to my room
So we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
ohh ohhh
Boom Boom Boom
Lets go back to my room
So we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
ohh ohhh
Boom Boom Boom
lets go back to my room
so we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
To be or not to be
Don't cha you know
I like your bite
Get to love you
Closer to you
You're driving me crazy
Crazy for you
step in time and move your feet
its time for us to boom boom
You can come get close to me
and feel the burning fire
feel the time pick up the beat
its time for us to boom boom
Care to see this funk in me
And feel my strong desire
boom boom boom
lets go back to my room
so we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
ohh ohhh
boom boom boom
lets go back to my room
so we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
ohh ohhh
boom boom boom
lets go back to my room
so we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
ohh ohhh
boom boom boom
lets go back to my room
so we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right
ohh ohhh
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I want you in my room
Let's spend the night together
From now until forever
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I wanna go Boom Boom
Let's spend the night together
Together in my room
Whoa Whoa
This is what I wanna do
Whoa Whoa
Lets have some fun
Whoa Whoa
One on One
Just me and You
Whoa Whoa
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I want you in my room
lets spend the night together
From now until forever
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I wanna go Boom Boom
Let's spend the night together
Together in my room
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I want you in my room
lets spend the night together
From now until forever
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I wanna go Boom Boom
Let's spend the night together
Together in my room
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I want you in my room
lets spend the night together
From now until forever
Boom Boom Boom Boom
I wanna go Boom Boom
Let's spend the night together
Together in my room
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